horrible cat

(no subject)

I wish Livejournal was still as active as it used to be, but I realize that it's as much my fault as everyone else's; I just don't post. Honestly it's because I don't have anything to post ABOUT, I don't do anything. But I do spend a lot of time cooking, and so I thought I would contribute a short list of what I consider to be the best cookbooks in my collection, ones that I would say are instrumental in getting me to where I am, culinarily speaking. Collapse )
horrible cat

(no subject)


That's about as far off as if it were to have done this:

"Search by Book Title, Author, or ISBN"
Christian Inspiration

Did you mean: Anal Pleasure and Health?
horrible cat

(no subject)

In Memphis there was this law firm called "Gatti, Keltner, Bienvenu and Montesi, PLC" whose ads always reminded me of the "Head On" ads. I think they should embrace that.

Gatti, Keltner, Bienvenu and Montesi.
Gatti, Keltner, Bienvenu and Montesi.
Gatti, Keltner, Bienvenu and Montesi!
Apply directly to the lawsuit.

I'm going to try to write more in this again. It's been a while. Hi.
Bad Decision Dinosaur

(no subject)

Big friends list cut. Basically, if you haven't posted anything in over 4 years? bye. If you're thinking about picking up your lj again, and you see this, let me know, I'll add you back. No hard feelings on my part, just trying to streamline my online presence a little bit. I don't spend as much time on social sites as I used to, as many of you (that i cut) also seem to be experiencing.
Bad Decision Dinosaur

Catman's Fuckin' Banana Pudding: It's Rapturous!

2 eggs, separated, room temperature
1/2 cup sugar
2 1/4 cups whole milk
1 Tbsp flour
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 more Tbsp sugar
some cream of tartar or some shit, doesn't even matter

3 ripe bananas (make sure there are brown spots and shit, yo)
Nilla wafers (like, a ton. shit.)

Put the egg yolks in the top of a cold double boiler. Add 1/2 cup sugar, flour, and a 1/4 cup milk and cream them together until they are completely smooth and uniform in color and consistency. Turn on the heat under the double boiler, and slowly beat in the rest of the milk. Once it gets hot, start beating it together with a whisk and keep it moving, constantly. Beat faster or slower in order to maintain a steady temperature of 175-180 degrees F for 30 minutes or longer, until the custard is significantly thickened. For the love of god though, don't stop that shit moving because then it'll get all chunky and gross.

Once it's thick, take off the heat, add the vanilla extract, and keep on slowly beating that shit until it's cooled down to below 120 degrees F, or when you can stick your finger in it and it doesn't hurt like goddamn hell. Take the egg whites and sprinkle in like 1/4 tsp or so of cream of tartar if you want, you don't even have to, and start beating the crap out of those things until they start to turn white, then very slowly add the 2 Tbsp of sugar while still beating on high power until it's all incorporated and it forms soft peaks.

Pour a little bit of custard into the bottom of a baking dish, and then put down a layer of Nilla wafers. Thinly slice the bananas (like between 1/4 and 1/8 in, like 3-5 mm) and then put down a layer of those over top the nilla wafers, then carefully pour a thin layer of more custard over the top of that. Put another layer of nilla wafers down, another layer of bananas down, and then another layer of custard. Keep doing this until you finish with a layer of custard on top. Spread the meringue over the top of the custard, taking care to "seal" the edges, and then place into a 350 degree oven until the meringue is lightly browned on top.

Put that shit in the fridge and cool it down, bro. Then get a really big spoon and eat it all at once because seriously this shit is phenomenal. You can adjust the sugar in the custard to make it less sweet, but why would you want to? Also, don't use shitty reduced fat milk. Besides the fact that you should never buy reduced fat milk anyway for any reason, you can't make custard, something literally formed from fat and cholesterol, with reduced fat milk. Well you can, technically, but it also technically sucks ass.

Also a word to the wise: you can find in the stores now crap called "Omega-3 eggs" where they somehow make chickens produce eggs with more Omega-3 fatty acids, which I am really, really frightened of how they do that so whatever. But I've also noticed that Omega-3 eggs have a much, much stronger, eggier, sort of distracting flavor, especially in the yolks, so you may want to stay away from those where you don't exactly want to taste the eggs. I think they're real gross but probably if you make scrambled eggs or deviled eggs or some shit you probably won't taste them as much.
horrible cat

(no subject)

Dear Human,

You keep putting your squirrel feeder in a place that is only really convenient for birds to reach. Please pour seeds on ground and back away; it is difficult for me to keep having to climb the tree, hang off the branch, and pour the contents of the squirrel feeder all over the ground so I can eat the seeds more easily.



P.S. If you have any way to frighten off the chipmunk, that would be nice too.